Hotel dream

I was running

I was waiting

I was angry

I was fast

I was climbing 

Exploring 

In the end I was hiding

In the dark

The police were chasing my person

I was in the shadows

Someone was approaching me

I didn't know if he was an enemy or a friend

When he got close I woke

Before that there were French fries

Late fries 

I was in socks

The floor was wet

Before that there was an elevator

Probably

No one said that building an empire was going to be easy

Everyone wants to bring down the king

Even if no one knows he's the king

The voices in his head are calling for his head

Why do the voices want an outcome that will lead to their demise?

The voices in my head are like republicans who vote against their own interest

Do the voices in my head feel there is a better situation?

Who are they?

Why so many voices?

It's getting loud in here

I can't hear with all the screaming

Die

And they tell me the same

It's war

I want death

They want death

And no one wins

What does a guy have to do to acheive victory around here?

Surrender? 

Probably

What does a guy have to do to get answers around here?

Stop asking questions?

Probably

Glass of chaos

I'm so close all the time

It's constantly as if it could go both ways

Dark or light

Stress or free

It's jail or flight

Seems to be running

But more like a dream

I almost escape my head sometimes

I feel high

Then I'm pulled back in

But I remember

I'm building

I guess I'll continue 

I'm trying to enjoy myself

I laugh more

I cried

Or at least I felt close

It's getting better

But it's like I'm on the other side of a glass wall

Beyond the glass is a nightmare

My side of the glass is like a Carwash 

I see the car going through

I'm inside but I'm touching the glass of chaos

You first

Waiting waiting waiting for nothing

Expecting expecting expecting

You're not fucking pregnant!

Hoping and dreaming

It fades

You're left behind

Memories are bullshit

They're pretend

They're nothing

Except the death

This brings the memories of regret

Memories are everything 

But they're not for the weak in spirit

Don't be a coward

We have too many

We're all scared already

Be scared

You can't help that

Walk straight into the thought

Walk straight into the worst case

I've been there

It all eventually evaporates

It's not real

Nothing is

Unless you say it is

Some type of a circle

I'm beyond lost now

I could say it's dark but it's more than that

I have quiet periods

I see colors

I'm high

But sometimes I'm in too much pain

It's all there

As ugly as I can be

I am beautiful

I hate this

But this is life

I can't seem to embrace this truth

But unfortunately truth eventually embraces us all

I didn't think I could still stand

But my legs work

Today I got up and walked

I'm not here but I am somewhere

It's not the end

I'm back again

It's some type of a circle

Getting the fuck out

Fuck

No words come

Just fuck

It's good but it's trouble

Fuck

What to do with the thoughts

Fuck me!!!!

Fuck

Fuck

Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok it's out of my system

Closing moss

Restless jabs into dark unknown 

They don't pay well

Not for years if any

Words that penetrate are outlawed

Or ignored

The interest in things unlawful 

The pain removal for the masses

You chose this hell

But you've forgotten 

The forgetting is double bladed

Mercy

Words of redemption 

Don't beleive it

No one leaves

The end takes a lifetime 

And that lifetime leaves scars

It all disintegrates into the first

It's that way for me

Sleep sinking angst

Midnight crumbles

Bursting inner pockets

And hope dried talk

It's effective 

It keeps me awake

I float good for a weighted man

Tired dry landscape

Heated sand

And waves of gas in the air

The rush includes novelty

But it's the known that kills

It's always familiar

At least that's how it's been for me

It's expected

Bury me with your intentions

In a stone mausoleum

Your dreams have the weight

Your added extensions

Of afterthought 

Arrive never too late

Not like your touch

Your beautiful smile

Delivers the cameras invitation

A small token 

Of something stolen

To cement our relation

I sleep in the other

Forever and all

It's now just the blur

I have this right now

In my calm 

You make me sure

2:23am

Breaking the barrier to self

Looking without eyes

Becoming nothing else

Truth bending the lies

Freedom no longer feels

This time it's long

My monologue steals

What's called wrong

But this is a path

It's no different

It's nothing

It's always there

See it

But don't look

Seek

But don't try

Internal check ins.

No net

I forgot to give myself a net and I think I'm falling. Whoops.

Guitar resentments are flooring me like a truck off a bridge. I'm late to the party.

I'm hearing voices but I'm not a part of any conversation that isn't in my head. Is that good? I heard the comic has to get locked up inside his head.

Ok I'm here. What now?

The world erupts

Truth has consequences
Fear brings a safety
But it's not truth
Truth brings a danger
The whole world erupts with truth
Like a shattered glass window
The fractions will never be the same
I'm not that guy
The guy inside me is changing
I'm somehow different
What I'm coming to realize is it's not me
I'm not me
It was a dream
Am I an intruder?
This waking moment has sent me into an unrest
I'm unsure
Nothing from before is true
I just hold on to these stories
But they're not real
There is really nothing to hold on to
This pain in my back stops the movement
Movement is my only grace
My movement through space has taken a turn
The motion has ceased
This is also a dream
It doesn't stop and that's what will erupt your world

I am the alien

Unswept dreams

Within space

Unsettled strings 

In place

The music here

Is bigger now 

It's becoming clearer

Somehow

My tone

Is falling

A lone

Voice is calling

The sheltered scar

Is tearing

I'm far

From wearing

My insides

Are showing

The tides

Are going

The sun hurt

It burns

You've insert

These yearns

The alien me

Is here

It's all I see

All I hear

I am the alien

Too much

My situation is ridiculous. Roommates. Marriage. Kids. Craziness.

I'm sharing a bed with four people. I'm like Charlie and the chocolate factory.

My smiles per hour are slowing down. My roommate just walked in at 3:47am. He's way behind in rent.

These are probably thoughts meant for private, oh well. Should I write a poem? I've gone a little off the reservation.

Morning has come

And my feelings the same

Numb to the touch

Of my outer view game

Fools have a walk

That I might have taken

To bring to the surface

And fully awaken

The monsters inside

That I've ran from at night

But it's dreams that won't stop

The harder the fight

Cut from a cloth

That's truly it's own

Connect to the thought

That we're not just alone

I reached out my hand

The world did speak

My craziness gone

My inherited meek

Awgggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just words. More come but they're not strung together correctly. Into the sink hole. The trying really kills you. People hate a trier. But you've got to try right? You've got to try to do it without trying and that takes a lot of trying. My mind is now erupting. Frozen. More thoughts but they're like rambling clouds of dust that disappear the second I touch them. I'm so far from funny right now. Maybe so far that it's funny? If I'm 180 degrees from funny then maybe all I have to do is make a move and I'll be closer.

I can't stand the thought of people right now. What kind of sentence is that?

Your walk distracts me
My hearing has gone
My words want free

Hello there

When am I coming back?

Maybe today?

Maybe

Comedy as of 2013

Comedy for me now. It keeps changing and that's how it should be. When you get to the point where you know your material, so much so that you don't care about your material. When you're free. When you're funny. I see glimpses of this. Become free and become yourself. This only happens after years of prison. Years of discipline. Years of indiscipline. You can't just do it. It has to be given to you from the comedy God's. Make it right with the God's. Give them your sacrifice. The God's hold the key. Don't fuck with God! Funny is serious if you want the real shit. 

The meaning exists yet stays unknown

Time spent dreaming is just a start
Look at the meaning, it's miles apart
But something comes together
It's more than the sadness
It's black but it's light
And it can lead to madness
But I'm being careful
My men have tied me to the bow
I see all the beauty
And am blind to what's foul
And my mouth still tastes what it sees
From the eyes of my heart and it
Hangs from the trees
And it's fire from the spark is still lit
I'm here
I still have my fire
I can't leave
I'm green but it's changing
The whole thing is different
With causes that spill
Into other areas that before were unknown
Telling
It's telling
Someone is speaking
I try to stay quiet
I'm into the realm
I'm no longer waiting
Or rhyming
As you can now tell
It's in the moments like these
They all coexist
I can stay in the garden of choosing
But even that's not entirely true
And all dreams must have a lie to begin with
Mine is the same
And so now I'm back to my old rhyming game

I'm still alive

Just wanted to let you know.

Darkness is me

I judge other comics. They say that you are what you judge. I judge this comic for being unfunny. Why? Why do I care? Because I'm scared. I look at other comics and I hate them. Why do I hate them so much? I hate that they have no self awareness. I hate that they're delusional. I'm that guy. I look at other comics and say what is that guy even doing here? He doesn't belong here. I'm scared. I'm scared that I don't belong here. I am what I judge.

Does that mean that I should stop judging? Fuck. Don't you have to judge to know what you like? Don't you have to judge people and make a decision. You see what they are doing and you see what path they are headed on and you judge that. You analyze the person and you judge what path they are on. Then you decide if you want to end up where they are. And then you take that path or you get the fuck off that path because you don't want to bang your head against the wall like that unfunny fucking comic is doing. You see that guy who doesn't write and it fucking scares you. So you fucking write. Then you see the guy who fucking writes and he still sucks. And that is fucking scary. There's nothing scarier than than saying to yourself that you would be funny if you just wrote more but then when you do write and you're even less funny. That's some scary shit. When you stop procrastinating and you start doing the work and you still suck. Where are you then? You used to have an excuse, you didn't write.

You don't have anything now. All you have is you. And you just aren't any good. That's a fucking dark place. Where do you go then? What do you do when you've done everthing you can do and you still suck? That's when you step into the darkness. When you realize you're all alone. You're fucked. You have no one and you have nothing. What do you do then? This is the comic.