The God test

I'm once again at jiujitsu praying that my kids aren't the worst behaved in class. So far there is a God.

I just downloaded the blogger app so I'm pretty much writing this blog to test it out. My wife checked with the Chinese calendar and it told her that I've had a shitty life so far but it should be getting better in my 40's, 50's, and 60' I'm looking forward to that.

As I try to finish up this little blog my youngest is getting reprimanded for not bowing before he gets back on the mat. I'm now agnostic.

I wanted to hit publish but the same kid got reprimanded again. There is no God...only a Chinese calendar.

Change takes its time

Sometimes change is so slow that you just say,"Forget you change! I'm going home." And then you go home only to find that your home is gone...everything changed. Then you forget how long change took and you think change is an overnight thing. Almost as quick as the time I promised God I would change if he would just let me stop throwing up and live, only to forget God as soon as I felt better. God doesn't exist...unless you think you're gonna die. That's when change comes, when you don't die, but not as much as when you do.

The Snoop

I work for a company that seems like it's ran by a crack addict.  What I mean by that is everyone seems to be paranoid.  My job is to watch someone and then report to the corporate office if they mess up.  Then there's someone in the office who's job is to watch me and then make a report when I mess up.  I imagine there's someone watching that guy because one time he admitted to me that he was afraid his boss was spying on him through a camera in his computer.

The whole company is constantly walking on eggshells because you never know when someone is going to report you.  I imagine the owner of the company sits in his office with TV screens everywhere, and he watches everyone, as he pets a hairless kitten who sits on his lap.

What I'm trying to say is, my job stresses me out.  So I better not screw around, I better start spying on people and telling on them if I ever want to relax.

I get to travel for my job.  I've spied on people in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Texas, Tennessee...all the fly over states.  Those are the states in the middle that everyone flies over when they're going someplace good.

I'm an aspiring comedian, so one perk of the job is that I get to perform comedy in different states at night.  I got this job in Albuquerque, New Mexico one time and I looked online to find the local comedy scene.  I went to a couple open mics and made new comedy friends.

My job was scheduled to last for ten days.  When I was in my hotel room, flipping through the channels at midnight I stumbled across a local channel that was airing a comedy show.  I googled the name of the show and sent them an email with my info...turns out they liked me and had room for one more act the following Saturday, which was 6 days away. My job was scheduled to go another 7 days so I was booked on a local TV show that aired throughout New Mexico and Colorado.

I work for a marketing company that puts advertising door-hangers on peoples front doors for people like K-mart and Target.  I honestly hate the job.  I feel like we're littering on peoples houses.

There's a driver and 8 walkers who distribute the door hangers and it's my job to make sure they don't throw them away.  It's basically my job to make sure that we put our litter on peoples homes and not in the garbage.

Like I said, my company is paranoid.  And when you're paranoid you need to spy on people.  So we give the driver a GPS phone so I can know where he is at all times.  I also have a gps phone so the office can watch me and each of the 8 walkers has a gps clicker that they are supposed to click everytime they deliver a flyer (Or litter on someone's house), however you look at it.

To be honest, I don't spy on people that hard, it just doesn't matter to me.  I'm usually just driving around the area listening to podcasts and thinking about where I'm going to eat lunch.

This particular job was different.  The crew I was watching were delivering 10,000 doorhangers a day.  This gut was telling me that something was fishy, these guys weren't good enough to deliver that much in a day.  Usually I wouldn't really care but at this rate the job was going to end early, and I wasn't going to be able to perform on TV!  That's BS, no one takes away TV time from me.

I started actually doing my job.  The thought occurred to me "If you want to catch a criminal, you have to think like a criminal."  For some reason I like to think like a criminal.  If I were these guys who had to deliver the door-hangers I would want to throw them out too.  I wanted to bust these guys, not because I disagreed with what they were doing but because I had a gig to get to.  I guess I'm just motivated when my comedy gig's are threatened.

The driver would drop off the walkers far apart from each other so it was hard for me to catch them dumping.  But I put my mind to it...I started watching the GPS of the van on my laptop and when it came to a stop I would write down the address.

Finally I went to where the van had stopped and I couldn't see any door-hangers on any homes and the walkers were nowhere to be seen.  I drove around the block for fifteen minutes until I finally spotted the walkers starting to hang door-hangers at the original address I was looking to find them.  Something was up.  What were these guys doing for fifteen minutes.  I started combing the dumpsters in the area until I hit the jackpot, over 600 door-hangers under some trash.

I took pictures of the dumpster for evidence, sent an incident report to corporate, and waited for the driver to meet me.  The driver was a big man, he became very upset...started yelling and cursing.  Suddenly I wasn't feeling like I was in a safe place.  I started walking backwards as he yelled at one of the walkers who were denying it.  Apparently what happens is I send in my report, the guy at my office yells at someone from his office, the guy from that office yells at the driver and then the driver yells at the walker and fires him.

The driver told me it wouldn't happen again, but the next day I found another dumpster filled with door-hangers.  Same thing.  I tell on him, my office yells at his office, his office yells at him, he fires another walker and then this time this big, scary driver, starts crying.

Their production level became way slower.  Two people got fired and at least one person cried, all because I did my job.  The good news is I got on local TV!

The end

A beginning clear

I've fallen from my written word
I saw the edge but couldn't turn
I tried from high to be the bird
But later found the falling burn
The fire heated my watered pot
Laying still in no type of shock
The blinding highs which I sought
Were nowhere found around my block
Holding court inside the heads
Of brainwashed stones and fakes
The spirit slept in softer beds
And so the turns my journey takes
They bring me laughter filled tears
The kind you see in the darkest dark
The kind that blind from all the fears
That all the others make their mark
For me this road is just forever
The concept froze my thoughts
The mainframe shook from the lever
Beginning the clears of clots

jokes first

Jokes first
It's easy to forget
To try to be yourself
No one wants you
They only want what they think you are
Don't ruin it for them
Don't be yourself
Not in the beginning
This should be clear
Start with the jokes
Get them laughing
Get them all laughing
As they loosen up you can start to connect
Then start to relate
Then show them who you are
As soon as they are invested
This is when you can be yourself

The honest dishonest

If you ever think it can't get worse
This is the time to hold on
You can't shake the old curse
Remember it's a long con
Shake it off and get yourself up
It's not a man who complains
My eyes see it as a half full cup
And forgettable pains
Lesser is the soul that looks the true
When inside they know nothing is straight
The dishonest honesty carried a few
While the rest of us stood for the wait

Both have the love

A song to the ones that rattle my cage
The ones that run around free
Inside is the touch which leads to my rage
A song to the ones with the key
My love is for you this I remind
The ones that I love with a hug
Run through my willingness when I'm kind
And crush all my smalls like a bug
You're movement is loud
But this is your plight
All time I am proud
I'm watching you fight
But nothing can change
The way that I feel
Nothing's as strange
And nothing's as real

I'm here for you

For some time it's been this way
Evan when things look good
I'm working the job and it's ok
But still it's not what I should
It's just in your head let it go
The enemy is not what you see
I'm living the only way that I know
The problem for you is not me
Let me love you and be the one
It's just like the waves by the shore
You can't stop what's already done
There's no sense in wanting more
We've got what we need and it's here
In front of your beautiful eyes
Let me love away all of the fear
For you there's unlimited tries

Get rid of the weight

I'm sliding
The only way to slide is down
I guess at least you have to had made it up a ways in order to get the slide
I think I've made it to great hieghts
Definitely high enough to give me a fast fucking ride down
So much to loose
How did I get so much?
I have some good stuff too
Stuff that people search their entire lives for
But it's not all good stuff
I have a lot of stuff
Everywhere is stuff
But the most stuff is between my ears
There's so much stuff there
Does anyone know where the release valve is?
This stuff weighs a lot
The weight is making me slide
...must get to the release valve
I've got to get rid of all this weight

What do they want?

I want something for nothing but there's no such thing
I keep on trying but disappointment's my king
The baggage that comes always bites
It's many sleepless and restless nights

The sweat and the blue
It's all one new shade
To quick to the new
Doesn't pass the grade

Under the top
Under the pile
Unheard of mop
And a slippery tile

Quick is the pace
The practice of none
Aged is the face
That's how they won

My road

Another song for the dead mans walk
Another side road another nights talk
A mother has worries but she can't see
The real life hauntings inside of me
The road does wind and starts to fade
Along the edges there was a parade
The songs were sang in the tongue of Spanish
But now the faces have seemed to vanish
Alone with only the thoughts of fear
As the road does finally dissapear
I'm left here to find my way
It's all I've got to make the day