Cussed out Mom

I just cussed out my mom.  You can go ahead and move my name to your "bad person" list of names now.  I am a bad person who says "fuck" to my mom.

She helps me too.  Every now and then she'll give us money and when we need help with baby sitting she will many times help out.  All this and still I say "fuck" in anger towards her?  After all she's done for me, and now I treat her like this?  WTF!

I have two boys.  Ages 4 and 6.  My mom is really worried that they aren't going to church.  They aren't hearing the word of Jesus, even more important, they aren't hearing the word of the preacher who thinks gays shouldn't get married.  More importantly than that, what do her church friends think of her if her grand kids don't show up on Sunday? What other people think is even more important than an eternity of hell fire.

I don't want my kids to go to church.  Church fucked me up.  I am worse off for going to church.  My thinking got screwed up from all the years of Sunday school.  It took me years to even attempt to make a dent towards the better regarding the damages of my thinking and well being.

The fucked up thing is I am willing to gamble with my kids future brains because I want some time by myself on Sunday.  I keep telling myself that I won't let them stay in church that long.  Not long enough to fuck them up.  I just want to relax on Sundays for a little. Later I will cut them off.  Letting my kids go to church with my mom is like a drug to me.  A drug that gives me peace and quiet for a few hours.  But it's also a drug that has consequences.

One thing that gets me really upset is when I drop off my kids with grandma and then pick them up later to find that she gave them haircuts.  Terrible nerdy haircuts.  It makes me so mad.  I told her over a half dozen times she is never, under any circumstance, to cut my kids hair.  She's completely ignored me.  About two months ago I spoke with her and said that it makes me extremely angry and upset when she cuts the boys hair.  She told me that she didn't realize that I felt that way (I fucking told her 6 times!) then she assured me she wouldn't do it again.

When I saw my youngest with his bangs chopped off today I was flooded with anger.  I picked up the phone and cussed my mom out.  She basically told me not to bring them around anymore.  I'm cut off.


If you tell someone directly and clearly that a certain action they are doing makes you very angry and they continue doing it I think you have to cut it off with that person, right? 

You can't get water from a stone.  God knows I've tried!