Not by choice

I can't sleep
I know this feeling
There's a storm coming
My insides are twisting
I say I want peace
Am I a liar?
I want to win
But the victory is transparent 
What am I?
This dream
It's like I keep waking up
I like sleep
But it scares me
I've seen god
He wasn't there 
The hills are gone
It's a desert
The man is a ghost 
I'm not here
Not usually 
The separation kills me
I'm choking
My neck 
I feel it there
I'm weak with strength
I want you
The beauty of the song
It haunts me
My love terrifies me
My heart is smashed
And glued
I won't leave
Not on my own accord