Stand Up Comedy

So you think you're funny? You're not, you stupid fuck. Go home. Go home and cry.

OK, so you're done crying. You want to be a comic? Be in heavy denial. Be in denial and think you are funny when the crowd doesn't laugh. Or just go home and cry. The fact is you have to go through a lot of pain to be good. If you are going to be really good you probably go through more pain because you are a sensitive person. If you are not sensitive then you can go through the motions quicker and get some laughs quicker because you have a certain amount of fake confidence. But fuck you, you sound like that other guy.

It takes a true man to come out and be different. March to his own drum.

I don't really know what I'm talking about right now.

Go to an open mic. Don't tell anyone that you want to be a comic. Don't invite anyone to your shows for at least a year.

Go to an open mic and bomb. Feel like shit, consider suicide, question life and then get up the next week and do it again.

Make friends that are open mic guys. Meet people.

Listen to your act. What was funny? What did people laugh at? Do that again. Drop or rework what they didn't laugh at. Write every day even if you don't know what to write. Work the muscle. Fucking break through the pain wall, just like Arnold.

Make more friends.

Come up with 7 and a half strong minutes.

Then write an additional 7 and a half minutes.

You need 7 of these 7 and a half sets to be a headliner. Comedy is about the hour. Get an hour of comedy, that's the goal.

Write you stupid son of a bitch.

Write, write, write and then fucking perform and then rewrite.

Get obsessed. Listen to comedy podcasts. Get addicted to comedy podcasts.

Listen to great comics. Listen to more great comics. Immerse yourself with comedy.

Write more jokes. Listen and observe your world. Play out.

It's a marathon not a sprint.

Write some more.

Become comedy. You are comedy. Your life is a joke. This is all one big joke. You only see a joke. Live it. Say goodbye to sanity. Everything is on the table.

Get passionate for life. Live life to the fullest. When you live life to the fullest you take risks. When you take risks you put yourself on the line. When you put yourself on the line you get hurt. When you get hurt bad enough you make comedy.

Get hurt. Feel the pain. Experience the life. Walk through life awake and pay the price for doing so.



Stand up.