Drunk Firemen

We all know that firemen are cool. They show up and everyone is glad to see them. They always make things better. We all love firemen.

Unless....

You are doing comedy at a bar that is hosting a once a year firemen celebration/fundraiser/let's get shit faced event.

I first step into this bar and there's 100 firemen drinking up a storm and going crazy for some bag pipers. The whole place is clapping, everyone has a mustache, they are all very loud, very big, and don't really look like they want to hear comedy.

The host who went up before me was struggling hard. He threw out the idea of doing any material and stuck with crowd work. It didn't matter. A drunk fireman went on stage and attempted to pull the plug for the PA system. The DJ stopped him and as the DJ was taking him off the stage the drunk fireman was yelling, "This guy sucks. He's terrible."

I was up next and it just felt like even more people were talking. There was 50 people at the bar with their backs to me, all chatting up a storm. The people sitting on the sides of the room were all carrying very loud conversations. And there I was, on stage. Alone with a mike which still made it hard for people to hear me over the voices.

I had three girls in back watching, one guy in the middle and two gals up front.

I made the guy laugh. I heard him say, "This guy is funny."

That made me feel good. I didn't want to quit.

Make it fun and the funny will come.

Stand Up Comedy

So you think you're funny? You're not, you stupid fuck. Go home. Go home and cry.

OK, so you're done crying. You want to be a comic? Be in heavy denial. Be in denial and think you are funny when the crowd doesn't laugh. Or just go home and cry. The fact is you have to go through a lot of pain to be good. If you are going to be really good you probably go through more pain because you are a sensitive person. If you are not sensitive then you can go through the motions quicker and get some laughs quicker because you have a certain amount of fake confidence. But fuck you, you sound like that other guy.

It takes a true man to come out and be different. March to his own drum.

I don't really know what I'm talking about right now.

Go to an open mic. Don't tell anyone that you want to be a comic. Don't invite anyone to your shows for at least a year.

Go to an open mic and bomb. Feel like shit, consider suicide, question life and then get up the next week and do it again.

Make friends that are open mic guys. Meet people.

Listen to your act. What was funny? What did people laugh at? Do that again. Drop or rework what they didn't laugh at. Write every day even if you don't know what to write. Work the muscle. Fucking break through the pain wall, just like Arnold.

Make more friends.

Come up with 7 and a half strong minutes.

Then write an additional 7 and a half minutes.

You need 7 of these 7 and a half sets to be a headliner. Comedy is about the hour. Get an hour of comedy, that's the goal.

Write you stupid son of a bitch.

Write, write, write and then fucking perform and then rewrite.

Get obsessed. Listen to comedy podcasts. Get addicted to comedy podcasts.

Listen to great comics. Listen to more great comics. Immerse yourself with comedy.

Write more jokes. Listen and observe your world. Play out.

It's a marathon not a sprint.

Write some more.

Become comedy. You are comedy. Your life is a joke. This is all one big joke. You only see a joke. Live it. Say goodbye to sanity. Everything is on the table.

Get passionate for life. Live life to the fullest. When you live life to the fullest you take risks. When you take risks you put yourself on the line. When you put yourself on the line you get hurt. When you get hurt bad enough you make comedy.

Get hurt. Feel the pain. Experience the life. Walk through life awake and pay the price for doing so.

Laugh.

Write.

Stand up.