Death and deeds

Woke up at 1:30am last night with a headache and what seemed like the possibility of vomiting. Whenever it's the middle of the night and the possibility of vomiting is around the corner my mind begins to ask questions. The usual suspects; is there no god? What am I doing? Then the randomly self destructive thinking kicks in; I think I'm dying. What if this is it? Do I have cancer? What if I have aids? I'm dying and I'm not prepared. Then I start beating myself up for liking Woody Allen so much.

I'm too old with no credits that matter to anyone important. This is a knock to all people who feel they are important to my life.

Have you ever been that guy that tells his friends that he has no friends. Who are we? Chopped liver? You guys don't understand. My life is passing me by.

I'm making a movie. Each day it's becoming clearer. I can see it. I think I can do it. At least I have something to do; it's better than waiting around to die.