Pirating the seas of my inner mind

Sometimes I wish I was more like Charlie Sheen and I'll tell you why. The guy is always winning. He can't stop winning. Morning, noon, and night. Winning, winning, winning. The guy is winning at every corner of life.

Sometimes I'm a winner. I've been known to win. But I lose a lot. A lot of losing. I think there's more losing than winning.

I'm an all or nothing guy. Give me everything or give me nothing. This is how my mind works. I will do P90X perfectly for 90 days or I will do no exercise and eat ice cream for breakfast. I will either get drunk every night and do physical damage to your home or I will never drink again and become self righteous.

I'm either a winner or a loser. See if I were Charlie Sheen I would only be a winner. That's what I'm jealous of. It doesn't matter what people think of this guy, in his mind he's winning!

I don't know where any of that came from. I've been waiting till the last moments of the day to do my yoga and meditation lately. The past few nights I've been writing while sleeping.

Speaking of sleeping I had a nightmare the other night. It was a comedy nightmare. I was doing comedy in some type of a sit down restaurant. People on my left and people on my right. The tables had white clothes on them I believe. I'm pretty sure the people on the right couldn't see the people on the left and the same with the right. I start doing my normal routine to very little, if any, crowd reaction. I start realizing that I'm bombing. They're really turning on me. I don't feel good at all. I start sweating. Then I start getting mad. Then I notice I have a big sharp knife in my hand. Then I'm not sure if I'm going to stab someone or not, but I leaning towards doing it and I scare myself. Then I wake up next to my 6 year old boy who had jumped in our bed in the middle of the night. It was just a dream.

I think it was the next night that I bombed in real life. Now I have a gig tomorrow night and already I'm expecting the worst while at the same time thinking it could be awesome. No in between with me. I'm either the best comic or the worst.

My head switches so fast from the best to the worst that it's surprising that I'm not seasick.

So this is the sea worn head of your old pal Duke, pirating the seas of his inner mind and surfing the waves that life's earthquakes throw his way, saying,"Overandout."