Glass of chaos

I'm so close all the time
It's constantly as if it could go both ways
Dark or light
Stress or free
It's jail or flight
Seems to be running
But more like a dream
I almost escape my head sometimes
I feel high
Then I'm pulled back in
But I remember
I'm building
I guess I'll continue 
I'm trying to enjoy myself
I laugh more
I cried
Or at least I felt close
It's getting better
But it's like I'm on the other side of a glass wall
Beyond the glass is a nightmare
My side of the glass is like a Carwash 
I see the car going through
I'm inside but I'm touching the glass of chaos