Comedy contests and denial

I used to carry with me a thought within myself that I could be living a dream of mine if I wasn't such a pussy. If I didn't do anything I could have spent my life wondering what could have been if I just tried. I'm happy that I tried because now I know, I can't live that dream.

If you want to be in comedy you need to be in denial. You have to suck in the begining, but you need the denial to keep you going. Whenver I enter a contest I allways seem to think I'm the best. I have something within me that thinks I'm netter than other comedians. What I think of myself and what actuall comes out when I do my act mut be two completely seperate things. Although to be fair I won a contest in El Paso.

During my last contest I thought I killed. My friend ho went up that night I felt did not do good. After his set I was consuling him. "it wasn't that bad." I said. It turns out that not only was it not that bad, he beat me. I allways let myself feel humiliated after these things. I tried to stay for a second but then did a b line for my car and proceeded to go down a shame spiral for the entire drive home and a few days after.

It turns out that someone in the semi finals bailed out so I'm back in the running. Tonight is the contest. I'm going up against people who won last round. I'm nervous, I'm going to try new material. It's still a mystery to me. I want to get in that funny place. I hope I can get there soon. At least figure out how to get there when I want to.

I'll let you know the experience tomorrow. I need to get back to pretending that I'm working.